International Law prevents me from leaving

Over the last several months, I have been feeling like H has had me exactly where he wants me. The mutual agreement regarding custody of our daughter was something we both agreed to sign. However, it was put off during the time I was sick. When the matter came up again, H refused to sign the contract for his own selfish reasons. It is true that I can leave any time I want, but my dilemma is that I cannot bring myself to leave without my daughter. And if I take her with me, there will be kidnapping charges to face, and I will lose her altogether.

As far as I’m concerned, International law is close to that of the states. After talking with an Attorney the other day, I figured that it was strange about appearing before a judge to allow him to rule on the best interest of our daughter and where she should live, without filing for a divorce or legal separation first. In the back of my mind, I thought this was very unusual but then again, laws I have ran across, during my time here, are very different from that of the states. So I basically just went along with it, thinking I just might have a chance.

When my Attorney called me today, she told me that it was best to file for a divorce before taking this matter to court. I would be able to provide my request for divorce as a reason for leaving the country. If I go before the judge without applying for a divorce, then I would have to prove that me and H are not mentally connected in any way. Now how does one prove that? Personally, I believe that whether or not I file, a judge would state it is in the best interest of our daughter that I remain in the country, so she can be closer to her father.

To help the judge come to a decision, he would basically look at our daughter’s environment and relationship she has with H family, since I have no family here. Being that this is the only criteria the judge will use, I have no chance at all. H family and this country is all our daughter has ever known. Not to mention that in September, she will start school here. She will finally be settled with a complete life. Not only with family, but with friends as well. No judge in his right state of mind will grant me custody of our daughter to move her half way around the world, away from everyone and everything she has every known.

Months ago I had discussed divorce with my Attorney and it was not recommended due to the time it would take, the long custody battle and the cost. That is when we came to the mutual agreement regarding the custody. If I were to file for a divorce now, my first hearing date will be some time in 2010. From that point, it will take any where from three months to over a year for the judge to make his decision regarding custody of our daughter. All the while, I would have to remain in this country during the entire process. That will take over a year, if not two years, before all will be said and done. And at that time, my daughter will be seven years old.

My Attorney did come up with the idea of joint custody. Our daughter would spend six months out of the year with me and the six months with H. I told her H would never agree to that. She then asked me if I thought H would actually file kidnapping charges against me. I told her he has said so in the past which prevented me from leaving the first time, and even if he would not do so as soon as I left, it would eventually be done. She then wanted to know what kind of options H gave me and I told her, I can either stay in this marriage with him and raise our daughter together or I can leave without her. She was silent. She couldn’t believe it.

Basically, I don’t have a 50/50 chance here. In fact, I have no chance at all. As time goes by, I lose my daughter more and more. H knows he has me exactly where he wants me. It is so unfair that H chose to ruin our marriage with his infidelity, doesn’t want to save what we could have had and now I’m faced with him taking my daughter from me as well. H won all the way around. Now ,with the information I have gathered regarding my situation, it will be up to me to decide what I’m going to do and it doesn’t look good.

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Next: Soul searching

A legal matter upon leaving

Knowing that it’s over, I contacted our Attorney this morning. She was not in, so I requested to speak to someone else to have a question answered. The Attorney I spoke with is the main Attorney there, whose name represents this particular law firm. I explained that I was ready to walk with my daughter and that H did not want to sign the mutual agreement that our Attorney had already drawn up. He told me to calm down and really think this though. Taking my daughter out of the country is not wise. There could be kidnapping charges filed and I will lose her all together. At that point, I was given a little bit of hope. Hope that possibly I could leave with my daughter at a later time, that is, after appearing in court. I was told that since me and H cannot come to an agreement of any kind, that I would have to take this matter to the Judge for a final decision. I just have to prove that it is in the best interest of our daughter that she is better off living in the states with me. I know this will be quite difficult since this is the only life she has ever known. I will still have a chance here, and I’m taking it! Whatever the outcome will be, at least I can say I tried it the legal way first.

Next week our Attorney will be contacting me to give me a heads up on what needs to be done in order to proceed. So all I can do over the weekend, is just wait.

H did not think I was serious last night when I told him it was over. He was taking things very lightly today. So much in fact, that he was acting as though I never said anything at all. In order to let him know how serious I was, I went ahead and told him that I contacted the Attorney’s office and what was said. He grew very upset and stormed out of the room.

Later in the evening, when husband was in the office, he turned to me and said, “Are you pushing me?”.

“Pushing you to do what?”, I ask

“Pushing me to show my feelings,” he said

“No. If I haven’t been able to get you to show me your feelings over the last seven months, what makes me think I can do so now. I’m not pushing you. I don’t want anything from you.”

If there is anything I have learned in the past seven months is that asking for something, that is not there to give, has gotten me no where. I highly doubt that this is considered pushing and if it is, I know it won’t get him to do anything he is not ready to do.

Just as I was leaving the office, H told him that our daughter does not want to live in the states. She would like to go for a visit but not to live there. Sadly, I know this to be true. Even though she is almost five, this is the only life she has ever known. I know that children bounce back very easily and she will adjust after some time. But still, I can’t help but wonder what kind of impact it will have on her life.

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Next: Save up all your tears