Over the last several months, I have been feeling like H has had me exactly where he wants me. The mutual agreement regarding custody of our daughter was something we both agreed to sign. However, it was put off during the time I was sick. When the matter came up again, H refused to sign the contract for his own selfish reasons. It is true that I can leave any time I want, but my dilemma is that I cannot bring myself to leave without my daughter. And if I take her with me, there will be kidnapping charges to face, and I will lose her altogether.
As far as I’m concerned, International law is close to that of the states. After talking with an Attorney the other day, I figured that it was strange about appearing before a judge to allow him to rule on the best interest of our daughter and where she should live, without filing for a divorce or legal separation first. In the back of my mind, I thought this was very unusual but then again, laws I have ran across, during my time here, are very different from that of the states. So I basically just went along with it, thinking I just might have a chance.
When my Attorney called me today, she told me that it was best to file for a divorce before taking this matter to court. I would be able to provide my request for divorce as a reason for leaving the country. If I go before the judge without applying for a divorce, then I would have to prove that me and H are not mentally connected in any way. Now how does one prove that? Personally, I believe that whether or not I file, a judge would state it is in the best interest of our daughter that I remain in the country, so she can be closer to her father.
To help the judge come to a decision, he would basically look at our daughter’s environment and relationship she has with H family, since I have no family here. Being that this is the only criteria the judge will use, I have no chance at all. H family and this country is all our daughter has ever known. Not to mention that in September, she will start school here. She will finally be settled with a complete life. Not only with family, but with friends as well. No judge in his right state of mind will grant me custody of our daughter to move her half way around the world, away from everyone and everything she has every known.
Months ago I had discussed divorce with my Attorney and it was not recommended due to the time it would take, the long custody battle and the cost. That is when we came to the mutual agreement regarding the custody. If I were to file for a divorce now, my first hearing date will be some time in 2010. From that point, it will take any where from three months to over a year for the judge to make his decision regarding custody of our daughter. All the while, I would have to remain in this country during the entire process. That will take over a year, if not two years, before all will be said and done. And at that time, my daughter will be seven years old.
My Attorney did come up with the idea of joint custody. Our daughter would spend six months out of the year with me and the six months with H. I told her H would never agree to that. She then asked me if I thought H would actually file kidnapping charges against me. I told her he has said so in the past which prevented me from leaving the first time, and even if he would not do so as soon as I left, it would eventually be done. She then wanted to know what kind of options H gave me and I told her, I can either stay in this marriage with him and raise our daughter together or I can leave without her. She was silent. She couldn’t believe it.
Basically, I don’t have a 50/50 chance here. In fact, I have no chance at all. As time goes by, I lose my daughter more and more. H knows he has me exactly where he wants me. It is so unfair that H chose to ruin our marriage with his infidelity, doesn’t want to save what we could have had and now I’m faced with him taking my daughter from me as well. H won all the way around. Now ,with the information I have gathered regarding my situation, it will be up to me to decide what I’m going to do and it doesn’t look good.
- – - – - – - – - – - -
Next: Soul searching
