Back to the same old games

When will he ever grow up? I thought that this game playing would be over by now. We haven’t spoken to one another in almost two years and I just figured he would be much happier now and would no longer have the need to revert back to his old ways. But then again, maybe he never changed.

DD and her father had a Skype call and he asked her if she is still planning on going to Greece this summer. He said if he knew when she was going, he would take a week off work. He then tells her to have me email him because he wants to talk to me about her possible upcoming trip. DD tells him to email me to find out what he would like to know and he tells her “No, your mother needs to email me first.”

DD not completely understanding why it was that he didn’t not want to email me, she tells me what he had said. When she did, the memory of his game playing flooded my mind, bringing back that old familiar feeling again. I began remembering the game playing and exercising his power by having me where he wanted me to be all the while knowing there was nothing I could do about it.

Nevertheless, I did exactly what DD had suggested and emailed him. I tell him that DD had informed me that at first he didn’t want her to go because he didn’t have time to spend with her and now he is telling her that he can take about a week off work when she does go. I requested he reply so we can decide when will be the best time for her to go being that he will have to take time off work.

I am curious to see if he actually replies and what exactly he will tell me.

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Heart broken Greek Summer

I haven’t sent my daughter to Greece for a summer vacation since she was 10. That was the only time she had returned since I brought her to the states. She is now 13 and is wanting to go for the summer to spend time with her Aunt and Grandfather (her grandmother passed away last year). When asked if she wants to see her father, she says no.

Like her, I would like to send her to Greece to see her aunt and grandfather. She is the only grandchild and niece they have. I want her to spend time with her grandfather who only speaks Greek in hopes that the language begins to flow again for her. She was fluent at the age of five when I brought her to the states to live.

I am heart broken for my daughter who ran the idea by her father the other day. His response was that he works and so does his girlfriend and they cannot spend any time with her.  When she mentioned she could stay with her aunt (his sister), he didn’t like that idea at all. He quickly changed his mind saying she can go and stay with him but that she will be going to work with him every day and on the weekends, he would take her to see her aunt and grandfather. DD then told her father that she would like to go stay with her grandfather and that he can go and visit her every weekend. He didn’t care too much for that idea either.

DD knows as well as I do that her father will keep her away from them and will not do what he says. She was hurt over the situation asking if it were still possible for her to go. I told her I will do all I can to make it happen.

Three years ago when I had sent her to Greece, her father would not let her spend any time with her aunt or grandparents. It was as though he were using her as a possession and wanted to make them suffer. Like when DD arrived at the airport and her father and aunt were there to greet here, you would have thought they would have traveled the 300 miles together to get there, but that was not the case. In fact, her father made his sister take the bus, however, he did allow her to ride back with them. It was at that point that I knew he was not going to allow them to spend time with DD.  I did not agree with how he was acting and was so upset during the time DD was there but there was nothing I could do to change it. I would tell him over the phone that he was to share her with them but he only let them see her a couple of times.

Me and her father do not talk, so there is not way to come up with any type of agreement. Even if we did, who’s to say he will keep his word. I’m not sure how things will go this time. DD is much older and wiser and knows her father quite well. Maybe once there, she will speak up and tell him what she wants if he doesn’t keep his promises.

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The Adventure of Relocating


Three years ago today, we were traveling to a state we had never been, to live in a home we had never seen and to start a new job I thought I would never get. What an adventure me and my daughter were on! I remember the excitement of not knowing where we were going or where we would end up – what the town, school or our home would be like. But most of all, I wondered how well my daughter would adjust to this new life as moving was no new experience for her. In fact, once I was given the job offer, we packed up and left traveling through two states to get to here. I cannot believe we have been here for three years now.

My intentions were to take this Government job and then move on to another in a much better area. For over two and a half years, we got stuck in a one horse town in the middle of no-where with not much to do at all.  The town was very quiet, had no crime and everyone knew one another. The quietness of the town was so deafening at times, but I turned it around to my benefit. I took advantage of that time to think. I can tell you, I basically dissected my entire life from the time I was a child, throughout my adulthood, to where I am today. I went through the mourning of my mother I had lost earlier that year. I never had the time to mourn as I seemed to be on the run from my life. I was moving from place to place as though I were in search of something, but at the same time I felt I had to distance myself from the place where all the memories remained. I thought about all the mistakes I had made, where I had been and all I had done. What I learned, as I went through my life, was those so-called mistakes were not mistakes at all. They were choices and the best choices I could have ever made under the circumstances that presented themselves to me at the time.  As I looked back, I realized I would not change the choices I have made for anything in the world!

By the time year two rolled around, I knew exactly where I wanted to be and the life I wanted to have for me and my daughter. I felt like a heavy weight was lifted from my shoulders and that this all had been baggage I was carrying around with me for far too long.  In fact, I never realized it had been weighing me down to the point that my steps were too heavy to take. All of sudden, my body felt lighter as though I were able to walk easier and faster. As though it were my first time planning my future. I felt like a young adult who goes out into the world for the very first time and sees all that is possible. I was overcome with the feeling of freedom and challenge all at the same time. I began to gain the strength I needed to meet my future head on, and knew I could do anything by setting my mind to it.

Three months ago, we moved yet again. This time remaining in the same state but to a much larger town. In fact, we are only 20 minutes from the largest city in the state.  This new Government job has got to be the best job yet!  Unfortunately , this is only another pit stop before reaching our final destination. Who knows where we will finally end up?

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Looks whose been looking me up on line

I had an on-line-friend overseas look me up  after several years by sending me a friend request from Linkedin (a business website).  I hadn’t been there in years, so I went ahead and logged in after requesting my password. When I did, I noticed that one person had looked at my profile within the last month, so I click on the link thinking it was just my friend who viewed me when he originally looked me up.  Much to my surprise, it wasn’t him at all, it was my x-husband’s girlfriend!  Apparently she has an account there. Now why, after all these years would she be looking me up??

The only way that she could have ran across my profile was seeing me on his profile.  We have been connected on the site from years ago. I wonder if she is going through his accounts to see who he is in contact with?  I can’t help but wonder if she is searching and trying to look for answers like I once did or maybe she is just trying to keep tabs on him.

It’s funny how someone who doesn’t even know you would be interested in you enough to look you up. Oh, if only she were able to find this blog and read it. Then she would know exactly what kind of man she truly has. The truth is, it really doesn’t matter. He’s her problem now, not mine.

Next: Heart broken Greek Summer

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A Father and Daughter Relationship

What I saw today brought tears to my eyes. I saw a young father teaching his 4 year old daughter how to ride a bike. I hadn’t seen that in years and watched in amazement how patient he was with her.  How he walked her through each little step. How she rode and he ran along side her all the while prepared to catch her when she fell.

When my daughter came outside, she began watching along with me. With tears in her eyes, she said,  “that is a nice relationship they have.”  A great sorrow came over me as I could feel her pain of the emptiness that her father has left in her.  I could tell she wished she had had that relationship with her father and even though I have been playing both roles for years, it will never make up for the loss of her father being in her life.

The anger built within me as I saw her watch the two while we drove away.  She just put her  head down while trying to hold back the tears. I was speechless and had no words of comfort for her. I just gave her the quietness she needed in order to pull herself together.

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A wanna-be-father after six years?? Really??

The dead-beat had a Skype conference with DD today. Contact with DD has died down in a major way over the last few months, hell over the last year. Even though he no longer has a cell phone, he has access to a computer 24/7, but even that doesn’t seem to motivate him enough to check on her to see what is going on in her life or to just say hi. This wouldn’t bother me much but I’m the one who has to hear her rant and rave over not hearing from him on holidays or on her birthday. If she expects any communication with him at all, she has been the one to initiate.

Today, when she was on Skype with him, she came to me and said that he wanted to talk to me. I told her to tell him I was busy as I knew what he had to say wouldn’t be worth my time. She then returned to tell me a while later that he said it was important, it was about her (Now keep in mind, I haven’t spoken to him in about a year).  As I approached the laptop, I knew this would be a very short conversation on his part. He is the type of person who loves to talk while never letting anyone else get a word in edgewise and sure enough, that is exactly what happened. He started in by saying that DD had told him she got sick off some broccoli she had in school about three months ago (this goes to show you how often they actually communicate). He said that he was recently diagnosed with Irritable bowel syndrome and that it is inherited. He went on and on about different fruits he is no longer able to eat. The one sided conversation was basically all about himself. When he mentioned bananas and watermelon, I told him she eats them all the time and has never been bothered with a stomach ache of any kind. He wouldn’t let me talk and talked over me by saying I just needed to take her to the doctor to have a special test ran to rule out the problem. I just said ok and walked away.  I knew that he wouldn’t let me talk anyway and he could really care less. If he really cared the first words out of his mouth would have been “Have you taken her to the doctor for a checkup – how is her health?” But instead, he just went into the “all about himself story” and then told me to take her to the doctor. Had he asked, he would have been told that she has already been to the doctor and that she is in good health.


Next: Look whose been looking me up on line?

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A woman knows

To all the woman who decided to stay even tho I didn’t……

What I wrote July 2008


Next: A wanna-be-father after six years?? Really??

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