Teen Birthday Parties

My daughter was invited to a boy’s birthday party and she is only 13. Not knowing the kid, I decided to call the parents to inquire about the party.  There was no answer so I left a voicemail. After introducing myself, I asked if there was going to be parental supervision, what the agenda was for the party and I would appreciate a call back when convenient. Two minutes later the boy’s mother called me and after introducing herself, she then said in a very offended voice:

I have never left my kids unattended, so yes there will be adult supervision. I will be the one supervising them as my husband who is in law enforcement will be working tonight. As far as the agenda for the party, there will be pizza, music and educational games.

I could tell by the tone of her voice that I had offended her but I didn’t quite understand how she could take offense to what I had asked her. I then tell her, “I am sorry, but in this day and age one has to check. She is a girl and she is all I have”

She replies with partial understanding if any, “I am also protective of my kids. I raised two boys who are also in law enforcement.” <—what does that have to do with anything?

Then she quickly changes the subject naming all the boys who will be attending and says she knows the parents of all of them. She continues informing me that all the kids that were invited to this party are only close friends of her son as they have grown up together since the 1st grade. Then she says, “If your daughter doesn’t want to come, she doesn’t have to.”

My reply, “She would like to attend and will be there at 6:30” I thanked her and we hung up.

In this day and age, I would think that most parents would be a little concerned sending their daughter off to someone’s house for an evening party when they don’t know the parents of the boy who invited them. I would also think that a mother whose in a law enforcement family would know the dangers of the world we live in as she is told about it on a daily basis by one who sees it first hand. She should applaud a concerning parent regarding the safety of their daughter instead of getting offended by it.

What would you have done if it were your daughter?

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If you only knew…

If you only knew the turmoil our daughter was in for not understanding why our relationship ended and all the questions left unanswered, then maybe you would know how difficult it has been for me over the years.

She has had nothing but questions that I am unable to answer due to her age. This has caused her to not fully understanding her place in this world or where she stands with us.

She continually questions but without result. I wish you would have created a bond with her so she would know she could go to you as well to get her questions answered.

If you only knew, that if we had worked together we could have cleared all this up for her and she would be a better person as a result.

If you only knew the long nights over the years trying to comfort her from all her uncertainty.

If you only knew…

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A day remembered

twin

It seemed like only yesterday.

It was a time of living out of the country looking in.

A time of uncertainty.

I had just arrived home from the post office after sending out packages to my customers. I had left the TV on as I knew I would only be gone for a short time.  Once I arrived at my apartment and walked in, I could hear the news was on.  I thought it to be quite odd that the news was on during that time of day.

As I walked over to get in view of the TV,  they were showing the twin towers. One was burning and as I continued watching, I saw the second plane hit the other tower. I remember thinking, “man, they are way off course.”

I watched it all unfold and could not believe what I was seeing.  I knew this would have a lasting effect on us all and the end of a world as we knew it.

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A secret revealed to my teenage daughter

OK its not really a secret. Why would I tell my 13 year old daughter that I was married before I married her father. I don’t know why I told her. It just came out .

We were in a conversation about her father.  She was talking about her father’s girlfriend and wanted to know if I thought her father would remarry but she quickly followed that up with why did we leave Greece in the first place. She has been wondering this over the last few months and has been trying to get an answer out of me.

At that point, I told her when she is older and could understand, I will tell her why we left Greece. After all, at her tender age she would never understand that infidelity part a major factor as to why we left. So I went with her previous question and told her that I doubted her father would remarry because he was married before me and if he remarried this would be his third marriage. Once I realized what I had just said, I followed that up with so was I.

The look on her face immediately turned into disappointment. Her everything soon became nothing.  She looked at me as though I were a stranger – someone she had just met. And everything she once thought I was was snatched away from her in a single moment. When I saw the look in her eyes, I knew that she saw me in a different light.

She quickly said she was tired and had to go to bed.   If you knew my daughter at all, you would know that on a Saturday night, she never turns in this early.  I said good night as she walked away.

I can only imagine what is going through her mind right now. How this will effect her and what the result will be.

What would you have done faced with the same questions?

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Whose Mom is older?

My daughter has informed me that there is a game that is played at school. She would win every time if she actually spoke up. She understands that I am much older then the average mother of children her age but she doesn’t want to say anything. I’m not sure why that is. Perhaps she is a little uneasy of the fact that I am older than the mothers of other children her age.

I don’t feel bad that I am an older mom, especially after doing a little research on the subject. I read that kids with older moms were healthier than kids with younger moms. Researchers took an overall snapshot of the health and well-being of a select group of children up to the age of 5. They learned the children with older moms had fewer accidental injuries, fewer social and emotional difficulties and were further along in language development. Then after examining a group of over 800 women between the ages of 41 and 92, researchers discovered the women who had their last baby after 35 had better cognition and verbal memory later in life than those who first became parents young. And last but not least, parents who are much older have more time for their kids because they don’t seem to have same worries as parents that are younger.

Most of what I read I found to be true, but we will see when I get up there in age if the latter is true as well.

As for my daughter, I have asked her if she is embarrassed of the fact that she has an older mom and she quickly said no. Even though there is an age gap much wider than it normally is between a mother and child of her age, it doesn’t seem to effect us much at all and has actually strengthened our relationship.

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Teenage Meltdown

Me and my daughter spend a lot of time talking. The deep conversations we have together are not only memorable but are also very intelligent on her part. She gets me thinking of things I would have never thought of during any topic of conversation.

The other night, we were talking about a variety of things like we do from time to time, when out of no where she says, “I only have five more years of school left!  What am I going to do!?!”

I was not only shocked it came out of her mouth at that particular moment but I began to see how stressed she soon became.  While blaming herself, she went on to say,  “What have I been doing over the last two years? !!”

mom-and-older-daughter

The first thought that came to mind was why would she be thinking of this at the young age of 13. When I was 13, I never thought about how many more years I had left of school or what I was going to do after I graduated.

I knew I had to say something but couldn’t find the right words. So I began saying, “You have plenty of time. We will figure this out together. School is important but your health is more important.  If you continue to worry it will only cause unneeded stress.  You will see, in time, everything will fall right into place.”  With that said, she just looked at me with a little relief on her face and quickly began to calm down.

What would you have told your daughter?

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Where did her Summer go?

solongsummer

Where did her summer go? Her and I have both been wondering the same thing. It just sneaked up on us and we didn’t even see it coming.

Suddenly, it was time to register for school and go shopping for new clothes.

Suddenly, it was time to say goodbye to the long days of just relaxing and having time on her own.

Suddenly, it was time to say goodbye to those long nights of staying up late and talking for hours on end without having to worry about getting up early the next day.

Now, it is time to plan for a another school year and all it will bring.

I feel really bad that she didn’t have the summer she had planned. Her summer was filled with excitement, frustration, anxiety, anger and depression. It wasn’t long before acceptance set in that she would not be spending her summer in Greece. At least now she has learned that things don’t always go as planned and sometimes there are obstacles that get in the way.  It was definitely a summer of learning.

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